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27-11-2016
Jennifer

How to Help Couples Preparing for Marriage

Being engaged is an exciting time in life!  The engaged couple eagerly awaits learning more about each other and anticipates spending the rest of their lives together.  Any healthy relationship requires time and preparation in order for it to thrive and grow, and marriage is no exception. Every couple goes into their marriage expecting it to be great; however, a marriage that does not have a firm and steady foundation will lead to both people being bitter and resentful. Creating a healthy marriage that will continue to be strong in every situation is the goal for every new couple.  

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29-06-2016
Mead Reed

HOW TO HELP A SPOUSE WHO HAS ADHD

It can be incredibly overwhelming and anxiety provoking to have a spouse who struggles with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The wife of a husband who has ADHD might currently be confused and helpless about what she can do to help him. She may feel like her current efforts to assist him are only leading her to feel more frustrated and creating more problems in her marriage.  

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14-10-2013
Jordan R. Yates, MA MFT, LAPC
Penalty Flags: Choose Delay of Game over False Starts

Jordan R. Yates, MAMFT, LAPC

We live in a world today where the dangerous mixture of a ‘microwave’ society – “get it done, get it over with” – and a man’s tendency to just want to fix everything can create quite the impetus in marriages.

This approach has also found its way into athletics, particularly football, with a handful of teams evolving to the spread offense - an offense that’s main objective is to move as quickly and as precariously as possible to put up as many points in the shortest amount of time.

Unfortunately, the verdict of these expeditious approaches in both scenarios – at least till this date – still has much to be desired.

A husband’s impulse to quickly attempt to fix his wife’s grievances with limited data is tantamount to running a play in football without understanding what the defense is running.  On the other hand, the best quarterbacks in the game not only put the time and work in prior to kickoff, but they will also use as much as the play clock as possible during the game to make sure the conditions are conducive to an effective play call.

Similarly, the best husbands should also take the time to discover and understand the ins and outs of their wives throughout the week as well as during any emotional, in-the-moment disclosure before even thinking about seeking a solution. 

The best wives do appreciate their husbands’ insight and desire to want to fix problems, but it’s more effective and so much more valuable when that is delayed for the purpose of those wives to feel fully understood first.

As a therapist, one of the first lessons I learned is that clients don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care.  It doesn’t matter how many golden nuggets of knowledge a therapist has, they will fall flat in the ears of a client first yearning for understanding.  That lesson stands for husbands as well.

13-08-2013
Jennifer Stuckert

Marriage Is Not A Competition

By Jennifer Stuckert, MA MFT, LPC & Jonathan Stuckert MA, M Phil (candidate)

There are many places in life where competition is welcome, celebrated, encouraged and even helpful.  But, marriage is not one of them.  When competition becomes one of your key outlooks on marriage you will unknowingly trade it for safety and security.  This may not seem like a big deal at first.  But, an enduring Godly marriage requires these qualities.  Across time a healthy couple bestows these things to one another but, that is not possible if there is a spirit of competition. 

When one partner sets themselves against the other, even in jest, the end result is typically scrutiny, uncertainty, and criticism.  These are not very positive words.  Sometimes this starts from a good place when a couple wants to be playful and tease one another.  Then by all means be playful, but encourage one another’s strengths.  However, be careful not to one up the other person. 

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