Family Fun and Missed Expectations
Summertime often includes family beach vacations, road trips, and family reunions. They can be the highlight of our year or the trips we tolerate. Whether your family rents a beach house for a week or spends hours in the car traveling to visit family across the country, these encounters often stir up a myriad of emotions. These trips include seeing people we love but can also create anxiety and unsettling emotions.
Family can be a source of great joy while also presenting us with unwanted feelings of disappointment or missed expectations. There can be feelings of grief or loss from year to year as families shift and change. Memories of the past or how things used to be are difficult to face and acknowledge. We have expectations of what we want our Instagram posts to look like and the smiles we hope to capture.
The reality of our family dynamics does not often reflect matching outfits on the beach with the picture-perfect sunset in the background. While we want it so badly, we know the truth and find ourselves disappointed.
Family Connections
We are created for connection and long to be known and loved, especially by those in our families. Sometimes, these connections are broken because of disagreements or misunderstandings. Sometimes, we find ourselves stuffing emotions around family members for the sake of peace, and we finally realize we are not okay with the person we have become when we are around them. We push our feelings down, and like the beach ball we try to hold under the water, things like anger and sarcasm explode onto those around us.
White-knuckling or getting through family encounters is exhausting and not the way we were meant to live. These relationships can be life-giving and drain us in unexpected ways. We put immense pressure on ourselves to have “picture-perfect” weeks with people with whom we have imperfect relationships. Family can be a great blessing while also creating strife. Relationships are messy, and they have been since the first family in Genesis. Family dinners with Adam and Eve were probably just as awkward at times as yours.
Here are a few things to “pack” when planning for your upcoming family trips this summer!
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Healthy Boundaries
It is easy to find yourself falling back into the role you played in your younger years when you get around your extended family. You may find yourself being treated like a teenager and wonder what happened. We often settle into the family roles we had when we were growing up. Our parents can forget that we are adults, even if we are parents ourselves. Take the time to decide for yourself or as a family how you want your time with extended family to go. Decide ahead of time what will make your family trip memorable for all! Sometimes, this might mean doing things differently than others expect, but setting healthy boundaries is a way for everyone to have a good time.
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A Sense of Humor
We all have favorite movies that highlight family dynamics that are humorous, painful, or awkward. Movies such as Meet the Parents or Christmas Vacation make us cringe and yet relate in uncomfortable ways. The 90s sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond highlighted the overly involved inlaws who live across the street and create lots of family distress. Having a sense of humor reminds us that we are not alone and that these things are part of life.
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Identity in Christ
We are impacted by the families we grow up in. They contribute to our strengths and resilience. Sometimes, they wound. These wounds show up unexpectedly when we are around our families. It is important to remember who we are when we interact with them. God reminds us throughout Scripture that we are His kids and created in His image. Ephesians 2:10 says, “We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” And in Psalm 100:3, “Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.”
The next time you scroll through Instagram, remember that family relationships are more than beautiful beach pictures of matching shirts and beaming faces. They are messy and imperfect, just like the people in them.
Written by: Sarah Murdock
sarahmurdock@restorationcounselingatl.com, ext 129
Sarah Murdock is a masters level therapist with a background in education and athletics, she brings a positive and encouraging environment for clients to feel heard and seen. She sees adolescents and adults. She sees individuals, couples, and families. Sarah has a passion for working with couples who desire to enhance their marriage and for individuals and couples in parenting. Other issues she works with include anxiety, depression, life transitions, abuse, trauma, career changes, and relationship challenges.