Have you ever noticed that when we focus on our problems, our problems appear to get bigger? Our thoughts can start to spiral, like the spinning cycle on a washing machine! When our thoughts spiral we tend to get stuck there and can only think about the problems that are right in front of us. It wouldn’t take us very long to create a list of 10-15 things that are problems or concerns in our life or in the world around us right now. Our challenge isn’t to recognize the problems. Rather, our challenge is how to see past the problems and get out of the spinning cycle.
Let’s try something different; right here, right now! I am sure that you can think of one stressor or problem that you are facing right now. Think about that problem. Now, close your eyes and say out loud 3 things that you are grateful for and why you are grateful for them. Open your eyes and reflect on how you feel now compared to before you closed your eyes.
Most likely, you have a smile on your face and may be feeling slightly better. Did your circumstances change in those 2 minutes? Nope! So there was nothing magical about this exercise because your problems did not disappear. But you have successfully shifted your thinking from the problem to appreciation. Even if the problem is not resolved in your life, you can take control of your thoughts and your focus to help you feel some relief in the middle of your storm.
When you focus on your problems, your problems get bigger. Whereas, if you focus on appreciation and what you have to be grateful for, you start to see your circumstances through a different lens. We become what we focus on.
What We Can Learn About Appreciation
In the Bible, we see that both Job and Paul faced extreme hardships that could have easily allowed them to grumble and complain. Yet, they both are great examples of how shifting our focus from our circumstances to gratitude can produce joy and contentment.
Through the life of Job
If you’re familiar with the story of Job in the Old Testament, you may remember that he was described as a blameless man and a man of complete integrity. God allowed Satan to test Job but to spare his life. Through a series of multiple trials, Job lost all his livestock and workers, his 7 sons and 3 daughters, his house, and then his entire body was covered in terrible boils. Job also received poor counsel from his wife and friends who encouraged him to curse God as a result of his circumstances.
Yet, in Job 1:22 we read, “In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.” Not only does Job avoid blaming God, we see through the depths of his suffering, he actually engages God. Rather than questioning God, in Job 42:1-2, we see that Job acknowledges and appreciates God’s character when he says, “I know that you can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” Furthermore, Job 42:5-6 highlights how Job is changed as a result of hearing and seeing God. As if being changed by God wasn’t enough, the book of Job concludes with God restoring Job’s fortune and multiplying his blessings, and giving him more than he originally had before the trials.
Through the life of Paul
The Apostle Paul was imprisoned for his faith. While in jail, Paul was intentional about his time and used it to share the love of Christ with those around him. Paul could have easily chosen to complain, become disgruntled, and have a pessimistic outlook on his life and ministry since he was imprisoned. Rather, Paul not only continued his ministry to those around him, but also wrote Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians to encourage the churches of Ephesus, Philippi, and Colossae.
Each of these letters starts with a Thanksgiving and Prayer for these communities of believers. Paul’s words found in Ephesians 1:16, “I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him…”, are also echoed in Philippians 1:3 and Colossians 1:3-4 where he continues to practice gratitude for the followers of Christ. Paul reminds us in Philippians 4:11, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”
The faithful testimonies of both Job and Paul remind me of the song, Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman. One of the lines in the popular song is “You give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.” We have to remember that although we may not always be in control of our circumstances, we can choose a heart of gratitude.
“What we focus on we become. If you are just focusing on unhappy things, you will become unhappy. If you focus on happy states of mind, then it will grow in you.”
– Frederick Lenz
Steps to Cultivating an Appreciation Lifestyle
Cultivating an appreciation lifestyle is more than writing in a gratitude journal. But in order for it to become a lifestyle you have to start somewhere. Here are a few simple ways to start cultivating your appreciation lifestyle:
- Pause, take deep breaths, and look around you
- Be mindful of the sounds, smells and sights throughout your day
- Pray and thank God for a beautiful sunrise when you see one
- Start daily gratitude journaling by writing 1-3 things each day you are grateful for; try to build upon that list once you get into the habit
- Slow down and savor your food; reflect on the flavors
- Appreciate the little things
- Give genuine compliments
- Smile
- Write a note of appreciation to someone
- Notice one good thing about your day
- Do an act of kindness
- Express gratitude and appreciation to someone
- Look for the positive in a negative situation
One way to see the positive in every situation is to create a list similar to the one that Chelsea Lee Smith, a Mom who created an online blog called Moments A Day, made to help Moms appreciate all the moments.
I am grateful for…
Early wakeups = Children to love
House to clean = Safe place to live
Laundry = Clothes to wear
Dirty dishes = Food to eat
Crumbs under the table = Family meals
Shopping to do = Money to use
Toilets to clean = Indoor plumbing
Lots of noise = Kids are having fun
Endless questions = Kids learning
Getting into bed sore and tired = I’m still alive
If you are struggling to see past your circumstances to focus on appreciation, know that you aren’t alone. We are here to help and would love to work through the stressors with you so you can find joy and contentment again in your life.
Written by Heidi Sawyer, MS, LPC
Roswell Location
heidi@restorationcounselingatl.com, ext 116
Heidi works with adolescents, ages 14 and up, and individuals. She assists with college and career exploration and planning, anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, spiritual issues, grief, life transitions, goal setting, and self-confidence challenges.