What does it mean to find your voice?
You are probably talking every day, but are you really sharing you? The phrase “speaking my truth” often gets tossed around. It doesn’t always have a positive connotation, and sometimes rightfully so. It gets turned into a “Whatever I say is right” mentality that ends up probably hurting more than helping. Finding your voice runs deeper. It’s a way to share who you really are and what you are really going through in order to:
- Take off any masks or roles that you’ve been hiding behind.
- Find community and love that is rooted in deep connection and knowing.
- Change a pattern that is not healthy or helpful.
- Use your God-given personhood and gifts.
Why is it sometimes difficult?
Why do we struggle to use our voices in the first place? A lot of times, we learn to shut our voices down in our childhoods. If your caregiver was reactive, you may have found it easier not to show your emotions or say anything at all. Perhaps you were bullied and have internalized a message that you are not worthy of being listened to. If you were told often that you are shy and quiet, you might still believe that is who you are. And maybe it is, but finding your voice is for shy and quiet people, too. Because finding your voice isn’t about how much you talk; it’s about what you are saying.
How to Get Started
Finding your voice is not a 1-2-3 step process. I won’t give you a 5-week program, and then bam! You’re good to go. It will likely be a lifelong journey. But I do have some ideas to hopefully get you headed in that direction.
It starts with self-reflection.
Who are you? What is it that you have to say? Our thoughts can get so clouded with other people’s ideas of who we are. You may have to wade through some of that. Take some time in quiet reflection Journal about yourself. You can do a quick search on the internet and find some fantastic journal prompts. Or try one of these. What makes you feel energized? What’s the hardest thing you are dealing with right now? What are the words you would like to live by?
Know what your shame sounds like.
Shame will say things like “I’m not good enough,” “No one likes me,” and “I can never fail.” Shame will also tell you that you should not speak your thoughts. It will tell you that you will no longer be liked if you are honest and open. It will say that you won’t be accepted. Get to know your own personal shame thoughts so that you can know when shame is holding you back.
Share from your experience.
In the modern age of enlightenment, intellect is king, which often leads us to think that we need to have all the facts and a perfect monologue laid out to share our thoughts. Not true! Yes, facts are good if you are on the debate team, but they only take you so far in life and in relationships. Most people love a good story, so how about sharing yours?
Don’t stifle your voice to control other people’s reactions.
It’s very common to stifle your voice because you are afraid of the reaction you might get. Maybe you had a reactive caregiver when you were growing up. Maybe you fear that people will no longer like you if you are honest. Can you change the story you tell yourself about how someone may react? Could it be possible that sharing yourself actually brings you closer to that person in the long run?
Find the people you can practice with.
If you’re practiced in staying quiet, then using your voice will feel awkward at first. Don’t start with your boss or a stranger. Start with people that you feel comfortable with. These are the people you can share all-of-you with, knowing that you will be accepted no matter what. If you struggle to find those people in your life, try therapy! Therapists are trained to listen, so it’s a great place to go and start practicing speaking up.
If it hasn’t become obvious yet, let me be clear: knowing your self-worth is foundational for finding your voice. Remember that you are God’s beloved. I know that I’m ending with this, but it’s actually your starting point.
Written by Ashley Skinner
ashley@restorationcounselingatl.com
Ashley takes a multi-theory approach to psychotherapy. This allows her to take the whole person into account – mind, body, and soul. Her emphasis is on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and mindfulness techniques. She works with individuals ages 18 and up, dealing with anxiety and/or depression, postpartum anxiety and/or depression, trauma, abuse, life transitions, self-esteem issues, and grief.