Getting to Know Your Teenage Son

As your son grows and begins his teenage years, you may notice that you feel less and less connected to him. While some of this is a natural part of growing independence, there are things you can do to remain a part of your son’s world. Here are three simple strategies to pursue a deeper relationship with your son:

Ask Questions About His Interests

First, become curious about his world and respect the young man he is becoming. Whether it is Fortnite, football, girls, or music, seek to value your son’s likes and dislikes by asking him open-ended questions. Become a student; let him teach you the basics of a video game and laugh along with him as you blunder. Ask him to show you his favorite bands and artists and avoid blanching at curse words or questionable content. You can have that conversation at another time if you disagree with the content of his music. And most importantly, explore what he likes about what he is willing to show you. Does he like the rush of winning? Does he think the lyrics are clever or does he love the beat of a certain song?

Spend Quality Time with Him

Second, as an extension of the first, try to spend time with your son that is completely unrelated to studies, chores, or disciplining him. If he is comfortable with it, call it a date night and go out to a restaurant just the 2 of you (you can alternate mom and dad each month). If he doesn’t like the idea of a date night, simply ask to spend some time with him. Let him pick the movie or activity, and be fully present with him. No phone or other obligations, just show him that he is worthy of your attention. This is a powerful way to counter the balance of positive interactions. (instead of regularly getting on to him to clean his room or finish his homework).

Prioritize Physical Touch and Affection

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, make sure to prioritize physical affection in your home, moms and dads both! Lack of physical contact has been linked to depression, loneliness, stress, and even sickness^[1]. A simple hug in the morning or evening, sitting close during a family movie night, or a hand on the shoulder can add up. That being said, it is still very important to respect your son’s boundaries. There may be things your son is not comfortable with (such as hugging you in front of his friends). Opening up the conversation about this is another way to show him that you respect and value him.

1.       http://communication.oxfordre.com/view/10.1093/acrefore/9780190228613.001.0001/acrefore-9780190228613-e-157