A Changed Career World
The world of work has changed dramatically in a very short time, impacting career goals for many college students. What used to be a notably bifurcated 40-hour aspect of our lives that left plenty of room for leisure pursuits has been transformed. Workers have little time left for thriving social lives. Careers now demand more of us – of our time, and our energy. Many workers are now in careers that demand (officially or unofficially) employees to be on call at any given moment. They are frequently expected to work weekends. This is the vision college students see on the horizon when it comes to the world of work.
With this in the background, there are some of the work-related pressures that your college-aged child sees that cause them to freeze up.
Work-Related Pressures
Community
Today’s workforce is extremely social. Most working millennials spend time outside of work (or inside of work rather) with their co-workers. Many have at least one co-worker that they consider a “close friend.” Workplaces are the new social ground for young professionals. They have worked their fingers to the bone. They rarely had time in college to dedicate to close friendships or deeply connect with their peers. College students today see that the workplace is a place of community. Even if they do work hard and find a decent career, they may end up in a job with co-workers that are socially matchless. That sort of community discrepancy is notably costly as the student will likely spend about 60 hours a week with these people.
Work-life balance
Great companies care for their employees. They understand that their workers are working hard, More importantly, they know they are working a lot. That’s why the most coveted jobs offer considerate amenities that help employees live with less stress and a stronger feeling of security. Amenities may include on-site gyms, laundry service, career-education seminars, pool tables, or spa facilities. Some offer on-site childcare, nutrition-focused catered meals, matching 401k contributions, flexible work schedules, and recreation facilities. Others may offer on-site therapy services, student-debt cancellation programs, and weekly on-site soirees. These are enticing. In some cases, they are even necessary for people to perform effectively at their jobs. However, not all companies or careers offer these services. The competition is stiff. Acknowledging the personal costs and sacrifices necessary just to have a chance to work at a place that offers wrap-around support is daunting. Which leads to….
Competition
Finally, competition for these jobs is incredibly palpable. Many people who land jobs that are like the ones mentioned above have been working towards those jobs since 8th grade. Some college students may have just discovered a major that they like. They quickly realize that they now know people in that major who have been working much harder for much longer. This is incredibly discouraging. Most hopes for landing a truly good job are to be mourned. The prospect of building a career to get to that job is nearly impossible.
Potential Career Problems
There is an emphasis on younger, more streamlined talent along with a whole host of unforeseen hurdles that the student has no control over. This might include a bad boss who actively roots against them, a recession that knocks them out of work, impatience from work with personal life struggles such as managing childcare, or extended time off for health concerns.
A Time of Disillusionment
For many college students, the mere prospect of pursuing a major or career is draped in the process of mourning. they may even doubt if the career is a good fit for them. They may ask if it’s worth the personal sacrifice if they are already so far behind. It is understandable that they would choose to drag their heels, spiral out of control, or even drop out of college. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise that a host of very bright and capable college students choose to embrace their friendships and social affairs over their academics. They don’t want to take on the pressure and risks that are inherent to the competition drenched, exhausting, and potentially disappointing act of establishing themselves. In other words, many of these students deeply feel that college is their last time to have healthy social connections with people they like.
The Parent’s Role
As a parent, it is only natural to want to fix the problem. However, sometimes fixing something irresponsibly or without foresight can be more damaging than not touching it at all. Here is what you can do to help your college-aged child who seems incapable of moving forward:
1. Make space for your grieving child (who may look angrier than grieved).
Listen to understand. Your child will struggle with words to describe what’s happening in them and around them. The child may become as they were when they were toddlers. It will be difficult for them to put together ideas that they have not yet put into language. They are trying to comprehend the truth of reality. Give them time and space to process (or understand through doing) that what they are seeing is true. When they do eventually find some language to express themselves, be prepared to take in what they have to say. Withhold solutions. Accept your child’s pain. Accept the hard truths about a career in today’s modern occupational climate. Be a place of security and safety. This offers a solid foundation for you to help your college-aged child.
2. Ask (and offer notable specifics about) how you can help.
If discussions have been difficult, follow up in a separate conversation when things are calmer. Consider making the conversation more casual and drop it in as organically as possible. Let the child know how much it opened your eyes to hear things from their perspective. See if they have any ideas of some way that you might help or offer insight. You might offer personalized career counseling, a connection to an employer, a professional counselor for them to talk with, or simply a friend who may work in a field that they are interested in.
3. Make your needs clearly known.
Don’t forget that you are a person, too. Even though your child is wrapped up in this strange combination of grief and doubt, you still have to live in reality. Bills are still due and the rent won’t wait. Set up a series of things you need from your college-aged child in order to establish healthy emotional boundaries.
Your child’s emotions of grief may be displayed as anger and deep frustration. This will often be aimed at you. Set up a boundary that limits emotional blame. Let your child know that if that line is crossed, the conversations have to stop. What they share out of anger is less about you and more about their deep existential pain. If you need your child to work while they mourn, make this known and understood. Whatever needs have to be met, make them clear, Give your child as much clarity as possible. For example, they need to know the exact times for chores to be done, the exact amount of money they need to contribute to bills, a bi-weekly written list of steps taken to make choices about the future, etc.
Plan for the Future
Finally, remember that how you handle these situations will define your relationship for the future. A positive posture will promote a positive relationship. A negative posture will promote a negative relationship. The choice is yours.
Written by: Jared Pogue, LPC