By: Mead Reed, MA, LAPC, LAMFT
It can be incredibly overwhelming and anxiety provoking to have a spouse who struggles with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The wife of a husband who has ADHD might currently be confused and helpless about what she can do to help him. She may feel like her current efforts to assist him are only leading her to feel more frustrated and creating more problems in her marriage.
The spouse of a person with ADHD needs to have correct information regarding his spouse’s diagnosis. It is important to acknowledge that there is some misinformation regarding ADHD. The actual name implies that she is not able to pay attention. However, according to The couple’s guide to thriving ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, her diagnosis has to do with an attention imbalance rather than a lack of attention. An adult who struggles with ADHD can be easily distracted, but she can also have moments where she hyper focuses on something. ADHD is more about a person’s lack of control over her attention than her inability to concentrate. Here are a few tips to help.
Focus on trying to increase communication with the partner about expectations. The wife needs to clarify her expectations of her husband.
- Encourage the partner and give him the emotional support that he needs.
- Research more information about ADHD. Read books and search the internet for articles about ADHD to better understand the partner who is struggling.
- As a couple, spend a few minutes every day cleaning and tidying up the house together. It is amazing what can be accomplished in a few minutes.
- Go to marriage counseling as a couple. Counseling is an incredibly effective way to help a couple better establish clear communication.
- Think the best of the partner who is struggling. Make a conscious, daily choice to search and reflect on his positive attributes.
- Become more empathetic about his struggles. Try to look at life through his eyes and try to be more empathetic and compassionate towards what he is going through.
As a husband learns more about his partner, he will gain a greater appreciation and understanding of her struggles, and he will find that he and his wife grow closer together. His empathy for his wife’s battle with ADHD will increase as he accepts her where she is instead of trying to change her.