It’s hard to pinpoint, but you feel it in your bones. You watch other parents, and it seems so effortless. That mother didn’t seem to flinch when her baby was screaming. That father spent hours with his kid at the playground and then went out with friends afterward. Those parents talked about the joys of parenting and how much they want to have another child or two or three. “It just seems so easy for other parents, so why does it feel like an uphill climb for me?” Maybe it’s because you’re a Highly Sensitive Person, otherwise known as an HSP.
If you’re new to the HSP terminology, you can find more information here and/or here. A quick summary would tell you that a highly sensitive person is someone who processes deeply, is very empathetic, gets overstimulated easily, and tends to be aware of subtleties in their environment. If you are unsure if you are highly sensitive, there are great online assessments that you can find through a quick search.
Let’s face it: parenting is hard…for anyone. Even the surgeon general has recently put out an advisory warning about the high levels of stress that parents are currently facing. I have personally found parenting to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done. There are many factors that play into how difficult you might consider parenting, including your support system, your child’s temperament, and your financial situation, all of which I have plenty to say about! For now, I’m speaking specifically to my HSP parents. There are some tweaks that can be made to help make parenting go a bit more smoothly.
Give Yourself Some Alone Time Every Day
You might be thinking, “Yeah, right!” And I get that, especially when it involves young children. But I’m also here to challenge you to find the time – get up early, do it while they nap, ask your spouse to take over for a bit, or make it a practice with your child where you are each having alone time at the same time. Figure out what your barrier is and move around it. Your brain needs the time to process all of the things it has been taking in. Your nervous system also needs a break from the stimuli that kids bring.
Create an Imaginary Wall
HSPs are constantly taking in their environment, including other people’s emotions. Now add in the fact that you are taking in the emotions of a being you are responsible for, and it’s empathy overload. I want you to create an imaginary wall for the times when you are taking in your child’s emotions too much. It can be a clear plastic shield, a brick wall, or something else. Just find what works best for you. Imagine it around you as you are interacting with your child. It can actually allow you to be more present with your child without taking on all of their feelings.
Become Aware of Your Specific Signs of Overstimulation
It is not a matter of if but when you will become overstimulated as a parent. As any parent knows, kids tend to be loud and full of energy, and they demand a lot of attention. I don’t know about you, but when I become overstimulated, I tend to lose focus, become angry quickly, and feel “prickly” as though anything could make me jump. I will even have physical symptoms such as a feeling of fullness in my chest. If you can name when you are becoming overstimulated, you can ask for help, tell your kid(s) that you need a break, or make sure you are doing something to care for your nervous system when everyone is in bed.
These may seem like small tweaks, but they will help you live a less stressful, more grounded life as a highly sensitive parent. If you are a highly sensitive parent and are looking for more help managing your stress, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at ashley@restorationcounselingatl.com.
Written by Ashley Skinner, MA, APC
Woodstock Location
ashley@restorationcounselingatl.com ext 119
Ashley focuses on offering you space, time, and attention to tell your story. She provides holistic care, taking time to explore the mind, body, and soul to help you create a healthier and more meaningful life. Ashley works with anxiety, perfectionism, self-esteem issues, trauma, and grief. While you will have space and time in the therapy room, Ashley is also known for providing easy and practical homework that can fit into your everyday life so that you can practice healthy growth in your everyday life.