Has anything changed?
We’ve been waiting for this time for over a year. Lockdowns and false starts were the soup de jour for over a year. But now many metro Atlantans are either fully vaccinated or in the process of completing the vaccinations. We’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. But while we still remember our social skills, etiquette, and general manners, something has changed. It’s not shaking off the rust, but rather recognizing that a year of this has changed many of us at a fundamental level.
How did we change?
A year of silence and solidarity doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Rather it changes who we are. Some of us will find that we are quieter, making more room for silence in our life. Storytellers have changed to story-listeners. Workers have changed into gamers. Anxious people have found themselves transformed into easy-goers. The pandemic has changed some of our basic assumptions and presuppositions of the self. In short, many of us have changed the bedrocks of who we are. Many of these changes are to be celebrated and encouraged!
Were the changes good?
However, these changes are not always for the better. They may have brought an awareness that you were not ready for. They may have unveiled something that we were unaware of. The changes may have unveiled how unhappy we truly are. They may have unveiled that we are unhappy in our marriages. We may have realized that we are extremely angry at our company for not caring for us the way they said they would. In total, we may have found that we are more deeply bitter and hurt than we’ve ever allowed ourselves to feel. And these feelings can be new and frightening. With the world opening back up, we’d like to leave these feelings in the past. But, as ancient history can truly and deeply tell us, once we awaken truth, it is often impossible to dismiss it.
Perspective – blessings or curses?
It’s important to remember the lesson of the Greek tale of Pandora’s box. In the original telling of the tale, Pandora had a jar that contained all permutations of evil known to the world. Zeus, looking to create friction as he often does, sends Pandora to her husband, Epimetheus. Unfortunately, Epimetheus had forgotten the warning of his brother Prometheus about the cursed box. Epimetheus took the jar from his wife Pandora and opened it. Thus, he released all of the evils on the world.
But it’s also essential to know that in the most accepted retellings of the tale, it is not curses that live in the jar but actually blessings for all of humanity. It is here that we can begin to see that the revelations that came to us during the pandemic are not actually curses (though they may certainly feel like they are) but are, in reality, blessings.
What is happening?
Loneliness
In this, the first thing we may feel is deep loneliness or failure. It may very well feel like none of our friends or family will relate, or they may even call us crazy. We may even feel a little bit crazy for holding on to feelings that don’t seem to make sense. However, the truth is that the pandemic did not necessarily make us crazy. In fact, for many of us, the pandemic made us very aware of some hard truths that we had been previously too busy to validate or acknowledge.
Denial
Soon we are likely to find ourselves in a crippling sense of denial. We will try to convince ourselves that this was a feeling that only came with the pandemic and severe circumstances. We will lie to ourselves to effectively put a stopgap between ourselves and change. And as should be expected, this may be a place where we spend a long time. Denial is, after all, the most powerful and effective known drug to man. However, as we give ourselves some permission and patience to have our feelings, we will soon find our denial will melt away to reveal potential painful truths.
Feeling Lost
Next, we may feel lost. We feel that our friends are still who they were before the pandemic. We are likely to feel that the place we find ourselves in is one with no definitive path back. And, perhaps alarmingly, that may be true! There may be no breadcrumbs to lead us back home. We may even possibly find that we don’t want to head back home because home does not hold the safety we once believed it had. It is a good reminder that we do not have to go home anymore if it is not a place where we want to return.
Making Way for Change
Lastly, we may feel that the work of change is difficult and doesn’t feel possible. It’s a great time to remember that you are not alone and that true friends and family are here to be with you in the time of change. Taking change on alone should feel daunting and intimidating. We are meant to live and change in the fullness of community. People who will not support your changing, your efforts towards happiness and change, or be present in your transformation are ultimately not true friends and family. These people may need to be removed or distanced so that true healing and change can begin to take place. This transition can be hard, and may feel like giving up. But please do not forget that change is a process of giving up on what does not work and embracing what does work.
The Simple Truth
The hard truth is fairly simple: the pandemic was more than just a thing we all went through. The pandemic was a great revealer of ourselves. The pandemic was a giant mirror that we cannot look away from. Rather, it forced us to stare deeply at ourselves and the decisions that have been made. It showed many of us that we are ultimately deeply unhappy. It has shown us that we are fundamentally different people than we have been displaying. And it’s a great time to embrace this as real and true.
It’s a great time to choose to embrace new freedom. This may mean finding new friends, a new community, and a new sense of self. Embrace the tools of self-help books, therapy, and the stories of those that have succeeded in embracing personal change. Remember, you are not alone, and you are not stuck. Freedom is waiting for you and has rung its bell loudly and clear. Will you answer?
Written by: Jared Pogue, LPC