“How Are You? How Are You, Really?”
Perhaps you have been asked this question recently. It can be difficult to interpret the question’s true meaning. Does “How are you?” represent a polite, but superficial inquiry? Does the question refer to external circumstances like overall health and functionality? Or does the question pursue answers to our existential questions, such as satisfaction in calling and vocation, deep joy, contentment, or spiritual completeness?
The Context of “How Are You?”
The context of the question, such as who is asking, has much to do with our interpretation of this question. The cashier in the grocery store, for instance, will be asking because it is polite and respectful, but not because of interest in your existential satisfaction. In the context of intimate relationships, this question would and should have a much deeper intention.
Put the Question to Yourself
Have you ever truly asked yourself this question? When was the last time you dared to ask yourself, “How am I doing?” Further, when you ask this question of yourself, what do you mean? What values and expectations do you intend when you ask this? Are you content to look at the externals (health, financial status, looks) or do you seek and value a deeper evaluation (relationship dynamics, vulnerability, honesty, spiritual connectivity)?
A Fearsome and Brave Question
I say “dare to ask yourself” precisely because it is courageous to face these questions honestly. It is brave because one question leads to another and then another. You know intuitively that once you begin to explore yourself honestly, it is an exploration that is full of unknowns.
God created us as human beings with intricate complexity. We are not easily known and understood, even by ourselves. God is the only one who truly knows our deepest “heart”, the seat of our fears, motivations, longings, hurts, and values. That is why He is the most dependable foundation of this exploration. His truths provide a foundation, or a map of your journey of self-discovery. Yet, God uses many others to assist each of us on our journeys.
The Task Appointed to You Alone
Each of us is appointed for the task of exploring and knowing ourselves to the fullest. We have been made stewards of ourselves. God has the ultimate ownership, as creator, sustainer, and developer. Yet, in His design, he has given us the keys to unlock our hearts, and the responsibility of taking care of ourselves on this earth.
We are the only ones who can use our bodies and minds to interpret experiences. You were probably told as a child not to touch something hot. Yet, until you touched something hot yourself, you would never know what it feels like to be burned on your own hand. When you were first scorned or hurt by someone you cared about, no one could feel exactly what you felt, nor understand it from your perspective. Only you knew the intensity of your love for the person. Only you experienced how deep and contoured the wound was.
Consider this fact, that, humanly speaking, you alone hold the keys to understanding yourself and the sole proprietorship of your perspective. If you do not do this work, no one else will have the opportunity to experience you fully. If you do not explore yourself, the world cannot know you. You cannot know you.
Seize the Day
- What actions have you taken thus far in your life that have helped you to know yourself?
- What actions have you taken that have sought God for these answers?
- What actions have you taken to show others in the world who you are?
- What help have you received from others that has encouraged you to know yourself?
- What help have you offered others that has encouraged them to grow in self-knowledge?
It is my privilege to walk beside you in the exploration of you. The responsibility of this task is appointed to you, but God has given me the role of paraclete in your journey. If you feel you are ready to begin a fresh exploration, I am available to you as an encourager with special skills and education in helping people gain a healthy understanding of themselves. I desire to be a blessing and a “sign” pointing you to the One who deeply desires your growth in the abundant life.
Written by: Nancy Messner
nancy@restorationcounselingatl.com
678-534-3824, ext.130
Nancy has a passion for working with individuals and families as they strive to face life’s challenges. She is a pastor’s wife of 27 years and they have five children together (ages 11-22). She offers an objective, understanding, and non-judgmental atmosphere where individuals and families can work on healing and growing under the light of God’s truth. Nancy received her training from Wheaton College in 1999 and has lived in Atlanta for 10 years.