“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s”. Ex 20:17, ESV
We all covet.
I have been thinking about the concept of coveting for many years, especially since I work with sexual addiction. I have many guys asking the question, “Why is the area of sex such a struggle?” There are many answers to this question. It might be childhood trauma, early exposure, accessibility, and/or a distorted or unbiblical view of sex and sexuality. We know that we are sinners in need of God’s grace. Coveting is a sin and it plays a part in this particular struggle and in other sins, as well. I found great insight by studying scripture and reading a good book on the topic. I would like to share some of what I’ve learned and to challenge you to begin to ask God to reveal where coveting might be a problem in your own life.
Here are a few takeaways from the book, The Envy of Eve, by Melissa B. Kruger.
What is coveting?
A definition: “An inordinate or culpable desire to possess, often that which belongs to another”
Here are a few synonyms: envy, lust, and greed. We all have heard these words before and we live in denial or say that coveting is someone else’s struggle. Can we be honest and admit that we struggle? We now must look to see how.
Coveting is marked by
- a sin pattern, not a circumstance,
- comparison and entitlement, and
- having become a besetting sin. (A besetting sin is a sin by which one is easily captured. It seems to have the ability to surround us at will. It is a sin to which we are vulnerable, and it tends to hang on.)
Can you see now how coveting shows up in your daily life? I can.
As the book goes on, Kruger gives an easy pattern for us to consider in the evaluation process. I see this pattern in guys all the time.
The Progression of Coveting
SEE…COVET…TAKE…HIDE
We SEE with our eyes and mind’s eye what we want that is outside God’s will. The heart begins to COVET, at which time we TAKE. Since we are made in God’s image, we have an awareness of right and wrong and a general revelation of God. Therefore, we HIDE. Take a moment and identify what you SEE, COVET, and TAKE that is not in God’s will. What is causing you to HIDE?
Two Biblical examples
Kruger gives two biblical examples in which we see this pattern. Take some time to read these stories and see the pattern develop: Genesis 3 (Eve) and Joshua 7 (Achen)
Sexual Addiction – The Struggle
So back to the sexual addiction struggle. Guys struggle to guard their eyes, which are the door to the heart of coveting. Guys often shrug this off because of false beliefs about sex. They believe that “looking, but not touching, is OK.” They may deceive themselves by saying, “I am just admiring God’s Creation.” Guys are not helped by the sinful sexual culture we live in, but we can live a pure life. Once the door opens through the eyes, many guys’ hearts welcome the false beliefs.
Sexual Addiction – The Lie
Scripture says, “have no hint of sexual immorality.” In contrast, the belief is, “a little does not hurt me or anyone,” or “I am not physically acting out.” Can you understand how what we SEE, when combined with these beliefs can lead to the TAKING? When our heart’s beliefs (sinful or righteous) get to feed, the belief will lead to action, (sinful or righteous). This TAKING manifests itself in many ways: porn, masturbation, objectification, massage parlor visits, affairs, sex outside of marriage, or other sexual sins.
Sexual Addiction – The Truth
Because man is made in God’s image, we experience guilt. Guilt is God’s grace. It shows us our wrong, but we have a choice. If we follow the coveting pattern we will HIDE. If we own our sin, we will REPENT. God is gracious and restores, but he desires his children to not go down the road of coveting.
Heed God’s Wisdom.
- Make a covenant with your eyes. (Job 31)
- Gouge your eyes out (not literally). (Mt. 18:9)
- Flee all sexual immortality. (1 Cor. 6:18)
- Have not a hint of sexual immorality. (Eph. 5:3)
- Put sexual immorality to death. (Col. 3:5)
I hope you can see the sin of coveting and how it manifests itself in your life. These characteristics and patterns can be applied to any sin and struggle. Please take time to pray that God would help you keep the command, “Thou shall not covet.”
by Troy Snyder MS, NCC, LPC, CCSAS, CPCS
Roswell and Woodstock Locations,
troy@restorationcounselingatl.com, ext. 113
Troy specializes in three distinct areas: sexual addiction, anger, and adolescent issues. In these specialties, he works with adult males, adolescent males, and couples. He takes a holistic approach to help his clients by working closely with the parents, spouse, family members and friends to help his clients create a better foundation for success. Troy also provides counseling for all issues relating to men and adolescent boys.
References
https://www.christianarmor.net/bible-studies/24-besetting-sins
Kruger B., Melissa, The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World
Holy Bible:
- Ex. 20:17
- 1 Cor. 6:18
- Eph. 5:3
- Col. 3:5
- Matt. 18:9
- Job 31
- Gen. 3
- Jsh. 7