In Part 1, we explored six practices that help interrupt anger before it takes over. But lasting freedom requires more than better self-control. It requires a transformed heart.
Here are seven more practices that cultivate that transformation.
Practice Acceptance
If you haven’t cultivated a healthy acceptance of the uncertainties, the disappointments, the annoyances, and the constant effort of life, you’ll eventually give way to anger, despair, or both. Life, although beautiful, comes with grief, and it’s no secret that unprocessed grief leads to problems in living.
Acceptance is a precious gift and a doorway to peace. If you’re angry, ask yourself what aspects of your life, if accepted, would lead to less anger. Of course, healthy acceptance isn’t passive resignation, and it doesn’t mean you are happy about your suffering. Rather, it means pursuing the valuable aspects of your life and not giving inappropriate amounts of emotional energy to what cannot be changed.
Practice Humility and Forgiveness
Jesus tells a parable about a servant whose master forgave him a ridiculous sum of debt. Then, the servant was harsh with a man who owed him only a small debt. When the master heard, he was filled with righteous anger.
The next time someone cuts you off in traffic, or your spouse speaks rudely to you, or someone fails to respect you, remind yourself how ridiculous it is to treat them harshly for their petty offense, while God not only forgave you but allowed his Son to die in your place for your rebellion against him. Forgiveness is painful sometimes, but it will never be as painful for you as it was for Jesus. So when you are tempted to retaliate, remind yourself, “Because I have been forgiven, I can forgive.”
Pray for Your Enemies and Bless Them
Not only does Jesus teach us forgiveness, but he also teaches us radical goodwill, even toward our enemies. He says, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28).
If you’re angry with your spouse or bitter toward a coworker, start praying for them daily. Instead of plotting your retaliation, start scheming ways to be nice to them—not necessarily because they deserve it, but because you are choosing kindness. Maybe your kindness will change their heart. Either way, it will almost certainly soften yours.
Make Amends
How has your anger hurt others? If it’s possible to make amends without harming others or yourself, you must do it. If you owe someone an apology, give them the apology they deserve, without making excuses. Additionally, if you owe restitution to someone or if reasonable steps are required to rebuild trust, follow through on those steps. This process will not only heal your relationships but also heal you personally.
Remember that God Will Make All Things Right
If someone mistreats you and does not repent, God will deal with that person. This is good news. The promise of our final salvation is that God will snuff out all the evil in the world, and he will wipe away our tears (Rev. 21:4). Preach this good news to yourself often, especially when you are angry.
Address the Core
Your anger has spiritual and psychological roots, and it’s important to address them. Maybe your anger is a response to a wound. Maybe you have some distorted core beliefs about yourself, others, God, or the world. Maybe anger was the only emotional response you were modeled to as a child. Maybe you never learned how to process your emotions. Maybe all of the above.
Whether in therapy or otherwise, seek to understand the core of your anger issue, so you can properly address it.
Seek Divine Help Daily
Does change feel impossible? Well, it is—if you seek to be transformed by your own strength. However, God can change your heart. Ask him for help daily, and pursue intimacy with him.
A Few Caveats
Again, anger is not always out of place. There is a time to take action against injustice, there is a time to voice your frustrations, and there is a time to protect yourself from abuse. However, you’ll need significant discernment and self-control to understand when anger is appropriate and to act on righteous anger without sin.
Lastly, this list is not meant to be a quick fix that you use and then move on from. Rather, it’s a new way of thinking and living, a set of practices you adopt and grow into over a lifetime. If you are willing to do that, the Holy Spirit will take you on a journey of transformation. Yes, you will stumble along the way, but you will also be deeply changed.
Jon Hunt enjoys working with teens, adults, and couples on issues including ADHD, anger, anxiety, panic attacks, and phobias, depression and suicidality, grief and trauma, insomnia, marital and premarital needs, pornography and behavioral addictions, and substance addictions. Jon uses insights from evidence-based therapeutic approaches but always stays grounded in the truth of God’s word.
jon@restorationcounselingatl.com, ext. 123