Therapy is an investment.
A worthwhile one in my opinion, but an investment, nonetheless. And as I contemplated my article for this month, I decided to take a break from focusing on codependency, and instead, shift my attention to how to drink deeply from the resources therapy provides.
I have seen posts on finding the right therapist (although I am sure much more could be written about that decision). But I have not seen much on maximizing your time, energy, and resources in the therapy process, and it is an important area to discuss.
Contrary to popular belief, therapy isn’t just an invitation to talk about your problems. It is an invitation into a becoming process, a learning process. It is an invitation into a risk-taking process, a humbling and illuminating process. It’s not for the faint of heart, and it deserves a little explanation on how to get the most out of this opportunity, as it might be a bit different from the path you imagined or anticipated.
The healing process is a bit of a mystery, and while this mystery is valuable, it can be helpful to have a heads-up on the unfamiliar terrain that will be part of the journey. In an effort to clear the fog slightly, I have outlined a handful of ideas below for you to consider in your therapy endeavor.
- Let go of doing therapy right – You don’t have to come with your shirt tucked in.
You do not need to earn a gold star. You can show up messy, unprepared, and unsure. This is the work. And if you notice that it is difficult, that is the material.
- Talk about talking about it – If you can’t say it yet, try stepping back a little.
Jumping into the deep end can seem like the shortcut, but honoring a pace that stretches without overwhelming is often the sweet spot. If you notice hesitation, try revealing that and seeing where it goes.
- Understanding has limits – If information had the power to heal, we would not struggle.
If information could change us, we would all have six-pack abs and change our oil on time. Discovering the why is helpful, but learning to stay present in your body and relationships –that’s the homerun.
- Feelings are a cheat code – Start with the lump in your throat or the tremble in your voice.
Our body tells the truth and has wisdom we have often lost touch with throughout the years. Feelings can open or close our capacity to receive the resources needed for growth.
- Stop condemning – It’s hard to grow while being bullied – especially by yourself.
Unlearning and relearning as an adult is hard enough. Condemnation might feel like using tough love, but it just muddies the waters. Instead, name the disgust and hatred, and experiment with extending compassion to your slow-to-change places.
- Protection has a function and a cost – Safety helps to preserve life, but it cannot build it.
Our survival strategies saved our lives. We learned to play defense – to protect, preserve, and prevent. That was a brilliant short-term strategy. But if we want to move from surviving to flourishing, we need to begin to notice the cost of those early adaptations.
- Healing comes through loosening your grip, not holding on for dear life – You can’t white knuckle your way into peace.
Healing cannot be accomplished through willpower. We strive to win healing through control, demand, and force, but it doesn’t work that way. Instead, it is a path that leads to healing, peace, enjoyment, and comfort despite circumstances.
- Expect a wrestle between tension and relief – Growing pains and glimmers are part of the process. Notice and name both.
Tension will come. Relief will too. Shift away from bracing and resisting to allow the tension to form you. And allow the gift of relief to sustain you for the journey.
- Becoming has a cost – Shedding previous ideas, beliefs, and identities is a dying-to-self we rarely talk about.
Changing the roles, ways of being, and patterns of relating that have become second nature can bring pushback – from within and from others. This quiet grief deserves tending. It is not a sign of being off track, but rather, the often unseen and unacknowledged growing pains of becoming.
- It is not a race – Pressure, urgency, and desperation might knock – honor their presence without handing over the keys.
Slowing down can feel like falling behind, wasting time, or not doing enough. Transformation often happens when we stop sprinting toward where we think we should be and instead spend time with what is happening right now.
Therapy isn’t a straight line—it’s a winding, often surprising path marked by both discomfort and discovery. I hope that you’ll have the courage to keep showing up, the patience to let the process unfold, and the kindness to let it shape you without needing it to look perfect. You don’t have to get it right—you just have to keep going.
Written by: Becca Cline, LPC
Online Counseling Team
becca@restorationcounselingatl.com, ext. 156
Becca works with male and female clients who are 13 years or older. She sees couples, families, and individuals. She has worked with clients dealing with various issues, including depression, anxiety, addiction, grief/loss, trauma, abuse, spiritual issues, sexuality, family-of-origin issues, codependency, anger, and interpersonal and relationship issues.