Many people may appear “fine” from the outside.
They go to work, show up for their families, spend time with friends, maybe attend church, or keep busy with hobbies. But when the day finally quiets down, their minds may not. That’s when private struggles become loud, and the usual ways of coping stop working like they used to.
If that’s you, you’re not alone or weak. You’re carrying more than you were meant to hold by yourself, especially if avoiding discomfort has been your main way of getting through.
How People Struggle
People don’t always use words like “anxious” or “depressed.” Instead, it often shows up as:
- Getting angry over small things.
- Zoning out with screens, sports, or work.
- Feeling disconnected or isolated from people you care about.
- Feeling fearful of conflict, or telling yourself the issue “isn’t a big deal.”
Many people also feel stuck in patterns they want to change, like ineffective phone habits, checking out emotionally, or avoiding what makes us feel uncomfortable or fearful. Despite how it may appear on the outside, these can all be attempts to not feel overwhelmed, ashamed, or alone.
In other words, this is often what people mean by ‘avoidance’ or ‘numbing out’. It just means we keep ourselves busy, distracted, or checked out so we don’t have to feel stressed, sad, or afraid.
Why Numbing and Avoidance Seem Safer
When conflict, stress, or old wounds feel like too much, it makes sense to want relief. That might include isolating, turning to our phones for comfort, overworking, or keeping everything bottled up and buried deep.
In the short term, avoidance works. You feel less anxious or sad. Perhaps even find some pleasure or relief in doing something else. However, over time, this can cost you the space to have your needs met, damage your relationships, lead to out-of-control emotions, or even harm your ability to feel positivity.
Avoidance and numbing are understandable and could have helped you for a time. They just may not be building the kind of life or relationships you’re longing for anymore.
What Scripture Shows Us
Wherever you are in your walk with God, Scripture gives a different picture than “God only loves people who have it together.”
In Jesus’ story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-24), a young man leaves home, makes a mess of his life, and comes back rehearsing a speech about why he only deserves to be a servant. The surprise is the father’s response: he sees his son “while he was still a long way off,” runs to him, embraces him, and welcomes him home before he can prove anything. That’s a picture of God’s heart toward people who feel ashamed, far from home, or stuck.
We see the same pattern all over Scripture:
- David writes: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
- Elijah writes about being burned out and asking God to take his life. He is met not with anger but with rest, food, and a gentle whisper (1 Kings 19:1-9).
- Paul writes he was “so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself,” yet is still able to find God there (2 Corinthians 1:8-10).
For those wrestling with anxiety, depression, or the desire to escape, these stories remind us: you are not the first person of faith to feel this way, and your struggle does not separate you from God’s care.
And if you’re not a person of faith, you’re still welcome. There are many ways to find value and meaning in your life, and we can honor what matters most to you.
The Next Step
If you’ve never been to counseling, it can feel vague or intimidating. Counseling can work to provide many things, including:
- A space for vulnerability, truth, and connection.
- A space for exploration of not only how you are, but why you are.
- Learning practical tools for self-exploration and everyday life.
- The ability to feel specific ways and still show up how you want to.
- Learning how to face discomfort head-on, even with a strong urge to avoid.
Many people wait for a crisis to finally reach out for help, whether that is a loss of a relationship, thoughts that life is too much, or the overwhelming weight of life crashing down.
You don’t have to wait that long.
If you see yourself in any of this—feeling numb, on edge, stuck in patterns you don’t like, or just tired of doing it alone—there is space for you, however you may come. You don’t need the perfect words; you just need to take the next step. A step toward understanding and healing.
If you’re in immediate danger or actively thinking about ending your life, please reach out for crisis support right away—call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or your local emergency number.
You’re not meant to walk this road alone.
Written by: Nicholas Bernier
nicholas@
Nicholas is a graduate student intern who is passionate about walking alongside individuals navigating anxiety, depression, addiction, and the internal struggles we often keep hidden. Nicholas brings a calm, empathetic presence to the counseling space, creating a safe and judgment-free environment where clients can feel fully seen and heard. Drawing from a person-centered foundation, he values authenticity and collaboration and integrates cognitive behavioral techniques to support lasting emotional and behavioral change. Nicholas welcomes clients to incorporate their faith into the counseling process and believes that God’s Word can be a powerful part of healing for those who desire it, offering hope, purpose, and restoration along the journey.