Adults with ADHD are often confused as to why they constantly struggle at work and at home. Unremitting forgetfulness gnaws at them like a dripping faucet and brings with it an exponentially expanding sense of frustration that eventually leaves them feeling as though they were somehow broken. What may seem like mere “scatter-brained” tendencies begins to take a heavy toll in their life. Bills are accidentally left unpaid, labyrinthine mood swings threaten their effectiveness at work and their job security, and any promise to just “do better next time” is continually left unfulfilled despite their best laid plans.

Anyone who has ever experienced death, especially an unexpected death, knows how heavy loss can feel. More than just grieving, manifesting within someone can be an intense fear of death. Fear of death is a complex and extensive concern to carry, often taking years of work to progress. However, this doesn’t mean that you are powerless to help.

First, recognize that fear of death is significantly more likely to manifest in someone who has lost someone. This is something that they will not likely come forward about as it is an uncomfortable topic and no one likes reminding others of their own mortality. You will have to confront this within yourself somewhat before you take the initiative to bring up this topic to them.

On average American kids 8-18 years old are spending 53 hours a week on digital media, with the majority of that time being spent on Youtube. By contrast, only about 6% of kids are spending time outdoors on their own accord. Things like fishing, swimming, catching lightning bug, putting frogs in jars, pick-up games of baseball or basketball, and star gazing are practically left to the distant memories of the previous two or three generations. Exploration of the natural world and creating stories together with childhood friends has changed to vicariously exploring the wild west of Youtube and posting the stories of others to share with anyone that follows their social media page. On top of this, parents are finding that their kids have lost track of normal time-oriented rhythms. Kids are mixing up their nights and days due to technology and they are finding it hard to function properly outside of the world of technology. No wonder an entire generation of parents feel like they are losing their children to Youtube.

We all need some failure in our lives in order to grow, but failure quickly becomes a problem when it goes from a learning tool to a tyrannical autocrat. For many, failure has a tendency to quickly scribe an identity without giving a second glance. This persistent type of failure removes dignity and replaces it with shame. Fortunately the helping relationship has the power to speak into this kind of failure and renovate the damage that failure has brought to the soul.
The helping relationship hears, sees, and recognizes the pains behind failure that few others have ever been privy to. It hears the shame surrounding the gossip from peers back in grade school; it sees the self loathing that past financial mistakes have implanted; it recognizes the much needed, tightly withheld forgiveness from a selfish and manipulative parent. The helping relationship perceives the things that other relationships have completely missed. Truly this relationship keenly perceives the poison that failure imparts on its victims.

Helping someone who is struggling with a nagging sense of failure can be difficult. Failure wants to quickly scribe an identity on to a person without giving them more than a second glance. And in order to truly help someone, it takes more than a simple thirty second conversation.

Remember this first before jumping in to serve: People’s reactions to failures reveal much about them. Most people don’t breakdown and cry unless they are facing something that is too big for them to handle. Observe everything you can before approaching their struggles. Verbally recognize their pain and in humility ask if they’d be willing to share it with you. Always think of this as a blessing, that someone is willing to trust you enough to share their burdens with you.