In the midst of summertime, any sort of routine or ritual may feel like it gets thrown out the window. Summertime brings a lot of joyous things, but structure usually is not one of them. With the kids out of school or vacations on the calendar, your family or personal routines may take the back seat.
Maybe you feel exhausted and at the end of your rope. This can be a challenge for many, including me. I enjoy structure and routine in my life. Although I cannot organize your calendar for you in this season of chaos and joy, hoping to help you see the importance of rituals and how we can strengthen ourselves and our family through them.
Individual Rhythms
Individual rhythms can help us break away from anxiety-inducing cycles and bring more balance into our lives. They give us a moment to take a step back and breath. They also create familiarity for ourselves, which also reduces anxiety.
When considering rhythms, there are two types: input rhythms and output rhythms. The input rhythms, rest and restore, allow us to accept peace. The output rhythms connect and create and help us engage with the world around us.
- Rest: God created the Sabbath for rest. God did not create us to go, go, go. Some examples of rest may be a social media detox, taking 15 minutes of silence during the day, creating a nighttime routine for better sleep, a relaxing morning routine, or honoring the Sabbath.
- Restore: To restore is to bring back our bodies, minds, and spirits to their original state, not stressed. Examples of restoration include play (yes, this is for adults too), healthy eating, taking a walk, or enjoying an adventure.
- Connect: God created us with a need for connection. Examples of connection include: attending a marriage retreat, going on walks with friends, or attending a weekly Bible study.
- Create: This type of creating is not rooted in performing or pleasing others, but in being yourself. Examples of creation include daydreaming, gardening, taking a new class, or cooking a new dessert.
Family rituals give us four important things:
- Predictability: Predictability is important because it creates a sense of regularity and order that is needed in families. We live in a world filled with unpredictability and chaos. Predictability communicates stability which can help reduce anxiety.
- Connection: Rituals give individuals in the family time and space to connect with each other. Without having rituals like reading a bedtime story each night or Friday night date nights, family members may miss out on connecting in the midst of a busy schedule.
- Identity: Routines and Rituals can provide a sense of identity for a family or couple. It helps name things that may be special about a family. You might know that family of campers who take an annual trip together.
- A way to enact values: Values give families an outlook on life and a way to view the world. They can also provide a sense of hope or meaning. Rituals are important because they can help teach individuals about the values of the family. A family who values generosity may volunteer regularly together.
Types of Family Rituals
A family ritual may not have to include the whole family. It may just include two family members. We can categorize rituals by the function they play in a family.
- Connection Rituals: The goal of this type of ritual is family bonding. This could be an everyday ritual or a special outing. Some examples include family meals, bedtime routines, or a yearly vacation to the cabin.
- Love Rituals: This type of ritual focuses on the relationship between two family members. A goal of this ritual is to make an individual feel special. Some examples include daddy-daughter dates or sexual intimacy between partners.
- Community Rituals: These connect families with their communities. Families gain and receive support from those around them. Some community rituals may be going to church weekly, weddings, or volunteering.
How to Create New Rituals
To discuss how to create new rituals, we will separate them between individual rituals and family rituals. To begin with, take time to think about what you need. This may be more alone time to recharge or family time to reconnect.
For individual rhythms:
- Once you have thought about your individual need, determine what type of rhythm may help fulfill this need
- Find an activity within that rhythm that you find most enjoyable. If you need to rest, but hate sitting inside in silence, go sit out in nature!
- Schedule a date and time in your calendar to practice this new ritual.
- Be patient- doing this one time may not fulfill the need that you have
- Be consistent with your new ritual. This may be a weekly coffee date with yourself or a new daily morning routine.
- After practicing your routine a few times, evaluate if it is helping you.
For family rhythms:
- Once you have thought about your need, think about what type of ritual may help fulfill this need.
- Choose a calm moment to have this discussion with other members of the family.
- Offer your ideas to the group in a way that adds space for others to have input. Allow others to suggest what they may like to do as a family.
- Be open-minded going into the ritual, knowing that everyone may not cooperate exactly as you want them to.
- Agree to follow up afterward to see how everyone liked the new ritual.
Some Things to Consider
- Is a ritual missing where you would like one to be?
- What do you need?
- Is there too much responsibility placed on one family member to organize rituals?
- Are family members achieving a balance between individual time and family time?
Remember, change can be difficult, especially when changing something within the whole family unit. And you do not need to change everything at once. Focus on one thing at a time that may feed your need for family time or time to yourself to recharge.
References:
Doherty, W.J. (1999). The intentional family: simple rituals to strengthen family ties. NY: HarperCollins Publishers.
Lyons, R. (2019). Rhythms of renewal: Trading stress and anxiety for a life of peace and purpose. Zondervan.
Written by: Sarah Burruss, Graduate Student Intern
Roswell and Virtual
sarah@restorationcounselingatl.com
Sarah is one of our graduate student interns. She takes a collaborative approach to counseling with her clients. Sarah works with adolescents and adults on a wide range of issues including anxiety, depression, communication issues, addiction, OCD, trauma, and life transitions. She also does premarital and marital counseling. As an intern, Sarah is available at a reduced rate.