For years I have treated sex addicts and their spouses always working to do this in a God honoring way. During this time I have observed a tension in the treatment world. The old model I was taught was to treat the addict first and encourage the spouse to put her needs and feelings aside to support him. The popular idea was that if you treat the relationship you will cause more problems. I struggled. I know the addict needs help and support to live in recovery and dive deep into the pain that causes the issues. I also know the spouse need to have support in their grief, loss, and trauma and to move toward healing. But, what about this thing called marriage? Does it not need attention? Does it not need healing? Does it not need hope? As I have struggled and prayed, I gained wisdom from God. Yes, he truly wants me to help the addict because he is a child of God, “chosen before the creation of the world”. He wants me to help the spouse as well, also a child of God, broken-hearted and needing healing through comfort and assurance. I was reminded by God that in marriage two become one flesh. The Bible compares this to the union between Christ and the Church and says, “What God has joined together let no one separate”. Wow. It was revealed to me that I must honor what God honors. Marriage. This has helped me break the tension in how to proceed in the treatment of sexual addiction. I can help the addict. I can support the spouse. And I can tend to the marriage relationship.
How do I apply this in my daily practice? My approach is to meet with the addict, start recovery work, providing the necessary ingredients to help him walk in recovery. I also quickly meet with the spouse to hear her story and encourage her by confirming her trauma and loss. I help get her the support she needs ASAP. In addition, I let her know the treatment plan for the addict. As I continue to work with the addict, I make it clear that the spouse is welcome to come in anytime to the sessions to share what she is seeing at home, confront any issues that may have arisen, and see the progress the addict is making. We also work quickly toward full therapeutic disclosure to help all three entities to heal: addict, spouse, and relationship. As we continue in our work, we will move toward what I call “couples repair work”, not marriage counseling. The goal of this counseling is to stay focused on the recovery/ healing process. This helps the spouse to feel safe and not obligated to focus on issues typically addressed in marriage counseling. To the spouse, the idea of traditional marriage work feels too soon, minimizing the more immediate issues, and gives a free pass to the addict. I help the addict to understand the value of “couples repair work” over marriage counseling. He has to learn to respect his spouse as a person before he can have the privilege to be with her as his wife. Though this process we are holding a delicate balance between all three, and yet we are giving high honor and respect to what God respects.
Troy Snyder, MS, NCC, LPC, CCSAS, CPCS
[trx_image url=”https://restorationcounselingatl.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/troy-300×300.jpg” align=”left” shape=”square” top=”inherit” bottom=”inherit” left=”inherit” right=”inherit”]Troy is a Biblically-based and clinically sound Christian Counselor. He received his Master in Professional Counseling from Georgia State University along with a Diploma in Christian Counseling from the Psychological Studies Institute in the Fall of 1999. He began his career work as a faculty college counselor. Previously he had a thriving practice in the Johns Creek area and has now joined Restoration Counseling of Atlanta. Troy has worked diligently over the years to develop his specialties so as to serve his client base with integrity and sound counseling applications.Troy specializes in three distinct areas: sexual addiction, anger, and adolescent issues. In these specialties, he works with adult males, adolescent males and couples. He takes a holistic approach to helping his clients by working closely with the parents, spouse, family members and friends to help his clients create a better foundation for success. In addition to these specialties, he also provides counseling for all issues relating to men and adolescent boys. This allows Troy the ability to stay connected with all current issues with this population along with strengthening his skills in working with multiple symptoms.
Troy’s passion for working with sexually addicted clients has led him to obtain a special certification in this area of study. He is certified as a “Certified Clinical Sexual Addiction Specialist” by the Christian Sex Addiction Specialists International (C-SASI, formerly IACSAS This certification requires rigorous coursework and supervision).
Troy holds his faith in God to be the main key to his success in helping hurting people and makes every effort to share that same faith with his clients wherever they are in life. He holds firm to the Word of God being the truth to teach us wisdom and help us learn to live life faithfully. Troy can testify of God’s leading through the counseling ministry over the years and looks forward to being used by God in many others’ lives.
Troy is married and has three children. He takes great joy in spending quality time with his family. He also is a faithful member and worker in his Church. His interest and hobbies include spending time with family and friends, reading, baseball, and home improvement.
troy@restorationcounselingatl.com ext. 113
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