Making the most of your counseling time
Confrontation is a big, scary word that many people try their hardest to avoid. We get images of yelling, stomping, and hands going up—but what if it actually isn’t like that? What if this face-to-face meeting of opposing ideas could actually benefit your time in therapy?
Early on as a counselor, I learned that one of the best things I could do was apologize when I realized that I had made a relational or intervention mistake in the therapy room. Before that, I also learned that, as a client, not bringing up something that my therapist said might hurt me and could cause me to want to leave the therapy process before our work was completed.
Tips for Clients and Therapists
Here’s my laundry list of tips and tricks for both clients and therapists to create a safe space for disagreements and for managing conflict healthily (and also prevent it):
Clients:
- Ask how your therapist will handle conflict ahead of time. “What happens if I disagree with something that you say or want to do with our therapy time?”
- If you know that you might have a hard time letting your therapist know if they’ve said something that hurts you/that you disagree with in person, ask if you can come up with a system—“can I send an email or write it down?”
- One of my favorite things to consider when the idea of intervention might not sit well with you—“is this uncomfortable or unfamiliar?” Maybe if it’s just unfamiliar, it’s a great opportunity to try something new!
Therapists:
- Create an evaluative environment—leave room at the end or beginning of each session to ask what the client thought was helpful, if there was anything that wasn’t helpful, or what they might be taking away from the time that you had.
- Talk about how you would handle an impasse from the beginning of the therapeutic relationship.
- Be clear with goal setting
- Don’t be afraid to apologize
Written by: Coleen Dixon