Control? We used to understand some parts of our world. Now, that has all changed. Our world has been altered. Some people’s worlds have been shattered. Maybe you lost your job or were suddenly required to work from home. Even worse, you may have found that someone in your family is suffering from COVID-19. Because of these things, we are all a little, or very, worried. Our lives have all been altered.
What Make All This So Hard
One reason this is so difficult is that as Americans we usually had some sense of control. We knew what would generally happen and even when things would occur. And we had SOME idea of what we could do about it. Now everything is different. It’s hard to be sure what tomorrow will bring and what will happen when we wake up the next day. We all have economic constraints, but many of us found ways around that by being crafty and frugal. Yet most of that isn’t working right now. We find ourselves feeling a loss of power and control. Shoot, you mean I’m powerless and I have no control? Yup, both are in short supply right now.
We Love Control
We easily define control as being in charge of something. Usually, this control relates to our world. What we do. When we do it. Who we do it with. The challenging part of our time and what much of our society is struggling with right now is their personal loss of control. Someone else is dictating these things for us. No one asks for our consent or feedback. We aren’t being asked about the impact their choices might have on us. None of us want this virus to spread. We don’t want the healthcare system to be overwhelmed. No one wants to lose their jobs or be restricted from work. We don’t want to be in danger when we go to work. Yet, we have to come to terms with what is happening to us.
How to Regain Some Control
Regaining control right now sounds good, doesn’t it! In fact, it sounds amazing! We’d all like a little normal back in our lives. The following lists offer a few suggestions for how you can regain some control in your life. It will require you to adjust, but it could result in a little more personal peace.
Steps You Can Take
Recognize the things you can do nothing about.
Stop spending energy railing against those things. This will free up more energy to find new ways to move through your life. If you feel angry, spend the time to work through it so you can get to the next level of awareness and not just be stuck in anger and railing against your situation.
Example: We need to stay at home right now.
Suggestion: I’m going to change the way my home works to make staying at home easier.
Look for ways you can accept new facets of your life now.
Can you make what you’re required to do better? Are you able to find ways to streamline elements of your new life? Can you find joy in new pockets of your life that wasn’t this way before?
Example: I’m now homeschooling my kids.
Suggestion: I’m going to set up new times for wake-up, breakfast, and school. I’m going to swap off with my spouse to get maximum productivity time.
Find ways to cooperate with others in your world right now.
If you’re single, do things to reach out to friends. Perhaps you are working from home. If so, see if you can incorporate new rhythms with other family members. If you are a stay-at-home mom, look to capture new types of moments with your kids.
Example: I need to get along better with those in my home.
Suggestion: Find out what each of you wants to accomplish and work together to complete the overall goals.
Remember that FLEXIBILITY is key.
This is true, especially, in these times of transition, particularly as we work to establish new life rhythms even if we hope they are only temporary.
Example: I have unexpected meetings popping up all over my calendar.
Suggestion: Try to communicate with others and spend time with them during free moments. Then pull away when necessary to do your meetings.
Questing for Power
Power rests more on the idea that we determine what happens to us. Others submit to us. We have authority over things and events. Yet in today’s shifting environment, this too has been taken from so many. We’ve lost power over what we can and can’t do.
The government is making decisions for what is deemed as the greater or greatest good, and this has taken power from many people. As large entities in our society lose power, so do smaller groups or individuals within organizations. We must submit to our government or deal with the fallout or consequences. We can fight against this too, but it won’t do much good. In many cases, it will only bring negative consequences.
Finding Power In a Powerless Situation
We all know we can’t control this virus, however, we do believe that if we follow certain suggestions to limit our contact with others maybe we can change the trajectory of our country’s outcome. Maybe we can exercise our power to save lives. By reframing our choices we see that though someone has taken away our power we do have the ability to make other choices. When we see that those choices might fit into a bigger story then we recognize new elements of power.
Our Greatest Hope
If you trust in Christ then hopefully, you’re leaning on God to help you navigate these strange new realities. We know that God is all-powerful. If you are experiencing significant loss remember that He hears our prayers and will be with you in these hard times. Never forget that Scripture tells us that prayer changes things. This is a key time to keep praying. Recognize the things you wrongfully elevated in the past and work to get new clarity on them. Put your hope in Christ and His redeeming work in our world rather than on what you can see and change. Recognize God’s power to change things and take hope in that.
Putting It All Together for the Greater Good
If peace, harmony, and acceptance are our key goals then we will make more progress in bringing back control of the smallest elements of our lives. As a result, we hope that to gain clarity on the bigger elements of life that we can’t control. When we see our need to reframe our moments of power and put our hope in God, we have a renewed picture of power. As we practice the art of acceptance, cooperation, and flexibility, we will spend less energy being frustrated. We will start practicing traits we may need as this national challenge continues. We all need the grace to accept how hard it’s been over the last few weeks, but eventually, our goal is to see our lives in a better place than they were before. This can happen even if things are out of our control and in some ways seem far worse than they were. Pray that our character, compassion, and cooperation improve as we travel through this national tragedy.
We Can Help
We are here to support you through these changes. You aren’t alone – we’re navigating them too! We have compassion for you as you face these difficulties as well as the family and personal challenges. Online counseling sessions offer privacy and security. Please feel free to reach out if you need help dealing with your lack of control and powerlessness.
Written by: Jennifer Stuckert, Clinical Director, LPC
Roswell Location
jennifer@restorationcounselingatl.com, ext. 111
Jennifer is passionate about using distinctly Christian counseling to help struggling individuals, couples, and families. With almost two decades of counseling experience, she has spent since 2009 serving as the director and supervisor of the staff of Restoration Counseling of Atlanta. She works with adolescents, families, couples, and individuals helping them gain relief from life challenges through biblically sound methods and a specific emphasis on adaption according to personality and learning styles. She is certified in EMDR and completed extensive course work in Sexual Addiction Counseling.